I unpacked the last box from our move late last night/early this morning.
There was an overwhelming feeling to just be done with it and those boxes in the second bedroom/office were looming in the dark, peering at me every day I passed by it and didn’t address them.
It was to the point that I haven’t been allowing myself to relax, meditate, contemplate, and basically get on to the next step in my life, embracing the sunshine to the fullest and enjoy the amazingly incredible experiences during this time of my sabbatical.
Yesterday evening I got sick and tired of feeling that weight nagging at me and chose to stop procrastinating and just do it. Heck, they’re not going to put themselves away, right? So I stayed up until just past 4am driven to face my fear and look at the years of memorabilia stuffed away waiting for me to look at them.
Well, to my surprise, I started finding little treasures from my past that had been forgotten. My journals from when I went through my divorce 11 years ago had my thought process of discovering that I was an artist, and contained tragically beautiful poems and art pieces I made. How I picked myself up and rebranded from having a spouse as a wedding photography partner, to trying to shoot with other photographers and finally finding my voice going at it solo successfully.
There are at least a dozen albums for scrapbooking ready to go and I started thinking of all the places I’ve traveled that I never made prints of: London, Paris, Monaco, the French Riviera, Germany, India, whale watching in Mexico… In fact, not only have I not made prints, the full set of images are sitting un-edited, un-processed in RAW on a drive. I’ve always put my client images first in my work and never honored myself by investing time in my personal images for memory making. Like many others, once you have images on disc or a drive, you never look at them again, but I ALWAYS look at my photo albums and treasure them. I can’t WAIT to create albums for myself! (Note to self: tell future clients my personal experience of having albums vs just a disc.)
Dozens of frames and spray paint, books I’ve been wanting to read for three years, trinkets, Geocaching Travel Bugs and coins that I can place down here, unsent gifts, and thank you cards that I haven’t made time to complete and ship. So many wonderful self-nurturing projects for the home, family, friends, and self just waiting for me!
Today I woke up so relieved! It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off. Crazy to think that the past was preventing me from so much all this time.
Now this afternoon, I’m just chillin’ on the patio reading a book and drinking coffee and finally don’t feel guilty or worried about what I’m “not doing.” I’m investing time in nurturing myself and growing myself so that I can continue to create and give to others the way I was meant to.
I know what is right there for me, the art I get to create and share with the world this year, and I am SO EXCITED for it!